Circle of Trust

My circle currently consists of seven people, three females and four males. Some are months or years younger and some are months or years older. The circle is comprised of several friends from high school, an ex-boyfriend, a couple of people I met through work and maybe a few other people here and there. They each offer different perspectives and life experiences. They are part of my circle because I value their opinions and I trust their advice. None of my female friends are married, but two of my male friends are. People seem to freak out when they find out a single woman has male friends that are married. Other women may pose a threat, but I don’t. They are part of my circle, because I am not interested in them in any way, shape, or form. They are safe to me because they are married and I don’t have to worry about them. Being single, I get tired of dudes hitting on me all the time and to have friends that I don’t have to worry about that with is important to me.

As selfish as it sounds, the males in my circle are essential because they interpret guy talk and behavior for me, they give me advice, and they help stop me from doing or saying something stupid when guys are involved. What they tell me or advise me comes from a genuine place of concern about my well being and happiness. They don’t sugar coat anything and I need that. I get the same thing from my female friends, but it’s something different when it comes from a male.

I’ve never been good at the friend thing, but I’m getting better at it. I didn’t always have friends or a lot of friends, so I’m learning how to be a friend. One thing that worked to my disadvantage was that my mom raised me with a “DON’T TRUST ANYBODY” philosophy. So, for the longest time, my circle of trust consisted of a party of one, me.

Slowly, I started expanding my circle, but I allowed one person in at a time. Then slowly, one by one, they all disappeared. My one girl friend was killed in a car accident. Then I lost two of my best guy friends to marriage. I’m not mad though. I want the best for all of the people in my life. I’m willing to sacrifice a friendship for my friends’ happiness. It doesn’t mean that I love them any less, it just means that I have to wish them well and love them from a distance. After that, I went back to being Nickki, party of one. I then became like Whitney Houston in the Greatest Love of All, “And so I learned to depend on me.”

On my own, I’ve charted through many of life’s storms, relying on my own thoughts, opinions and knowledge, hoping that the decisions that I made were right. More often than not, on my own, I made the wrong decisions. I stumbled. I tripped. I fell flat on my face. I fell a few times, but I got up…on my own.

I’m so happy that I don’t have to do that anymore. I have people praying with me and for me. I have people in my corner, handing me tissues when I cry (CP). I have people loving me. I have people rooting for me. I have people running to my side to help pick me up if and when I fall.

Occasionally, I refer to my circle of trust as my advisory council, because I take my issues to them for their advice, perspective, and their two cents. Their two cents is very valuable. When making a decision, I know what they tell me to say or do is just advice and that ultimately the final decision is mine because the consequences of that decision will fall on me. Once or twice, I have gone against the advice of the advisory council thinking that all of them are wrong and I was right. My thinking was that anyone can tell you what to do and even how to do it, but they can’t feel what you feel or know what is truly in your heart. Sometimes I wish I would have listened to them more than I have, because it would have saved me a lot of headache and heartache, but you live and you learn.

I am so appreciative for the people that I call friends and the people that are part of my circle and advisory council. I wouldn’t be me or the best version of me without their help, guidance, and prayers. It is no accident that they are in my life or that they showed up when they did. I know I’m not the best friend in the world, but I hope that I am giving, I can give, or I have given them at least a fraction of what they’ve given to me. Much love. Much respect.

Lessons Learned:

1) Choose your circle wisely.
2) Listen to the advisory council, because more often than not, they’re right.
3) To have a friend, you have to be a friend.
4) Sometimes you have to let friends go for the sake of their happiness.

Love, peace and blessings