I’ve been penning this blog for a while. I actually came up with the title months ago during a conversation with one of my close friends. As with all of my other blogs, I started drafting notes on it during my commutes to and from work. I’ve wanted to finish it, but I got busy. I welcome the busy. The main reason I welcome the busy is that in the midst of the busy I was able to stumble upon the purpose that God has placed in me. I feel so full. 
That’s definitely a topic for another blog. I decided to refocus my efforts on this blog, because of a reoccurring topic that seems to be popping up in my life…ACCOUNTABILITY.
This past week, I was invited by one of my former classmates to participate in a health challenge before Thanksgiving Day to eat better and exercise, and to meet my weight loss goals. My classmate is a fitness coach and created a Facebook group for everyone participating in the challenge to encourage one another, share tips, but also to hold each other accountable.
Before that another one of my friends wanted to start a blog about the weight loss journey he is about to embark on. Since he knew that I blog, we’ve had several brief sit-downs to discuss his goals for his blog. I 
offer him advice. I make suggestions. I give him homework assignments, just to keep him on task. From time to time, I’ll send him an email asking him how things are coming. In my emails, I remind him that he needs to stop putting things off. In my last email to him, I told him that his blog and his journey are not only just for him and his well-being, but they’re for his wife, they’re for his daughter, they’re for all the people that care about him (me included), and for those that share in his struggle. Every time I see him, I’m checking on him, asking, “How are you coming?” He gets nervous to see me because he knows I’m going to ask for an update. I’m holding him accountable for something that he said was important to him.
I used to have one friend that knew like 99 % of the stuff that there was to know about me. We’re still friends, but he’s missing a year’s worth of updates. Anyhoo, the friends I have now, I share certain parts of my life with. Each person is responsible for holding me accountable for certain things. Although I know that in ALL of my actions I’m ultimately accountable to God, I have a small circle of people that I consider my accountability circle.
For example, I have a friend that lives a healthy lifestyle. When I’m dieting and exercising, she is the person I need in my ear encouraging me. She is the person I need in my ear when I want some hot chocolate reminding me of my Dunkin Donuts ban. I have another friend that likes to eat, so he wouldn’t be the best person to encourage me and/or hold me accountable to my Dunkin Donuts bans. His response is, “go ahead.”
One of my friends and I have this joke between us when one of us says or does something that contradicts what we said or said we would or wouldn’t do. We say, “But you said.” Hmmm. Helping the other recall what they said is our way of holding them to a commitment they made or a conviction that they once had to something, to someone, or to God. People that help hold us accountable to commitments are called accountability partners. Lucky me, I have an accountability circle.
My friends have become like sponsors in my life. You know how in the movies, they show people battling some sort of addiction and they call their sponsors whenever they feel the desire (for lack of a better word) to have whatever their drug of choice. Their sponsor attempts to talk them down from their current situation, occasionally agreeing to come get them. My life isn’t that bad, but what I will do is pray about it. I take everything first to God in prayer. When I know that my spirit is fine, I can rest easier 
knowing that the rest of me will be fine too. My human nature may sometimes require some additional reassurance or convincing, that’s when I take it to the circle. Most of the time, I take it to them before the damage is done, but occasionally, it is in the aftermath. Regardless of when I go to them, what they give is spiritual guidance, love, and support. Depending on who it is, I may hear a “But you said,” but it is said in fun. I know that everybody that I have chosen to be in my circle and surround myself with loves me and ALWAYS has my best interest at heart.
My son always says that it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission. I don’t know if I agree with that, but what I do know is that if you set the right moral boundaries and surround yourself with the right group of people, you’re more likely to stick to the boundaries that you set. You might not fare as well if you tried to do it on your own or with the wrong people backing you.
What to look for in an accountability partner:
The person that you look to to hold you responsible for your actions, should be someone you are comfortable with, someone you trust telling your business to, and someone you can be completely honest with. If you can’t be honest, then it will be hard for the person to hold you accountable. 
They won’t know what to believe and what not to believe.
The person you choose should also be willing to be honest with you. They need to “give it to you straight,” and say stuff that might hurt your feelings. You have to know that they are not saying stuff to hurt your feelings. They are saying stuff to protect you, to offer you different perspectives, and to make you think clearly about the consequences and repercussions of your decisions before and after you make them.
I think it’s also important to have someone that sees the same potential in having you as an accountability partner. It has to be an equal exchange. You don’t want any type of relationship that is one sided, where you’re doing more to keep the boat from sinking or the friendship from failing.
You also need to have accountability partners that are on the same journey that you are on. They don’t have to be in the same spot as you, but you need someone that can speak to you on a spiritual level, give you some Word, and pray with and for you. Even if you’re not on a journey, you should still have someone that is. Everybody needs prayer and encouragement.
Lessons learned:
1) Not everyone is meant to be an accountability partner.
2) Everybody is not ready to take responsibility for their behaviors and be held accountable for their actions.
3) You should always surround yourself with people that force you to do better and be better.
Love, peace and blessings!
LESSONS OF LOVE FROM MY FATHER 