Every year, before I go in for my annual women’s wellness checkup, I start to feel some kind of way about going to my appointment and then again when I actually get into the office. I find myself sitting in the doctor’s office surrounded by all of these pregnant women fighting back tears. I must admit that I’ve gotten better over the years. Not to take anything away from someone that God has blessed with the gift of life, but it’s hard being surrounded by pregnant women when you’ve lost a baby, regardless of how many years have gone by.
After my OB/GYN moved to another state, I started going to another doctor that was in her practice. There was no fighting back tears then. My doctor now has since started her own practice and moved into another building. I absolutely love her. She is familiar with my medical history. She knows what happened and I feel very comfortable with her. She’s rooting for me to get pregnant. Right now, I don’t know exactly how that’s going to work, since God is the only man in my life. If I do get pregnant, please know that there is some serious immaculate conception going on over here.
It has been almost 7 years since my son passed. Everything that I had for him is still boxed up in what would have been his nursery. I haven’t gotten rid of it, because I still want to use it. Just because my journey to motherhood didn’t happen for me that time, doesn’t mean that it won’t happen for me again, under the right circumstances, and with the right person.
“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1
I’ll be 40 at the end of the year; of course, I see my biological clock out the corner of my eye. I used to worry that the batteries in my clock would give out before my time to be someone’s WIFE and someone else’s mom came, but women are getting married AND having babies in their 40s, 50s and some even in their 60s. Grant it, with advanced maternal age comes additional risks, but in this day and age, life comes with additional risks, just look at the news. The time left on my biological clock is no longer a worry of mine.
Age and time are irrelevant when you’re talking about God. Look at the story of Abraham and Sarah. Sarah was 90 years old when God fulfilled His promise that she would bear a son.
“And I will bless her and give you a son from her! Yes, I will bless her richly, and she will become the mother of many nations. Kings of nations will be among her descendants.” Genesis 17:16
Now the LORD was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him. Genesis 21:1-2
Before Abraham and Sarah recognized that God was faithful in what He had promised, Abraham and Sarah had to learn a lesson about faith and patience. They took matters into their own hands. Rather than wait on God to fulfill His promise, Sarah suggested that Abraham have a child by Hagar, their faithful handmaiden. Ishmael was conceived through this union. Although it sounded reasonable, it wasn’t what God had in mind when he told Abraham that he would be the father of many nations.
In this, God differentiates between our efforts and our faith in His efforts. We often try to speed up God’s timing by working out his promises by using our own efforts. Although we may never know God’s will, he expects us to exhibit faith and patience and wait for Him to provide answers to His promises. There are things that we can do while we wait, but he is opposed to our caring more for ourselves than for Him and His will. Luke 14:26-27
God kept his promise to Sarah and blessed her beyond her wildest dreams and he will do the same for me. Through his promises, God gives us hope when we are discouraged and strength when we are weak. All we need to do is have faith in Him and His timing. As we learn to trust his faithfulness, we put more trust in Him and His abilities than we do in us and our own. I am reassured that my days of both being single and wanting to have another baby are numbered. I am faithful in God and his promises to me.
Lessons Learned:
1) God will keep his promises.
2) Everything happens in God’s perfect timing.
3) God’s plans for you are far greater than any plans that you can have for yourself.
Love, peace and blessings
LESSONS OF LOVE FROM MY FATHER 